So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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