If i come over, it means nothing
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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