I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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