No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
