Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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