I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I want to be your penis for a week.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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