Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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