you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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