he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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