even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
