Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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