Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
