The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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