so that wasnt chicken after all
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
