proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sorry about my life...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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