you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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