I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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