It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
