Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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