i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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