Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you will always have a special place in my vag
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
