i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he thought i was a dude.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
