Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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