If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
