Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
