youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
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