Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
