Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
