If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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