; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just had sex bonerless
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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