overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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