I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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