Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
