Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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