my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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