I need help removing her.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
