Please, let me fuck your mom
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
