Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
