I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
