If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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