peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
