i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
