ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me†eyes during a lecture a few times.
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