I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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