Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
