She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
