So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize