Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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