I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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