I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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