It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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