also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
