Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
