i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
