So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
