found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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