Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
