god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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