Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
