There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
