This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
