I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
