Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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