so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
high people should be assigned attendants
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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