I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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