i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
