he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
