I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
