Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
