Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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