i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
