oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His hands were made for my vagina.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize