I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
