Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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