I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
