your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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