I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
