I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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