I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
