Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
